In conversation with Brett Lee’s Ball

I think it’s been a while I have moved my arse off Bangalore. I have been acting too lazy to plan a trip.What’s wrong with you boy? Life’s too short to not travel, meet your favorite people, eat the food you like, love what you do and get lost in your wanderlust. Better do something about your life bitch ! These were the exact thoughts hovering in my mind just before I dozed off last night.

Helloes ! Anyone here? Binga ! Binga !
He is not at home. He is busy with the Irishmen, preaching the art of pace bowling in the World Cup.Either you can go to the ground now or you can drop a note and I shall pass it on to my master.Oh ! Okay. I am a huge fan of Brett Lee since my childhood. Do you mind if I sit here for a while and absorb the moment. Surely, and by the way same here. I’m so glad to have been in his hands for the last one and a half decades. Though, my shine and seam has gone for a toss but still the amount of respect this Kookaburra gets till day is impeccable.

Binga !

Ahaan. Can I please jot down this conversation, so I can go back and share it with my cricket frenzied nation? Definitely. Just make sure it’s brutally honest; the way my master is, said the leather cherry smilingly. Bowl !

Lalit : Pardon me. I didn’t get your name?
Ball : Haha. That’s fine. I am The Blonde’s Bombshell. I got the name when I sent 5 batsmen back to the pavilion with pride and pace equaling Lillee’s record of a five-for on the debut. Lee running with his blonde hair, caressing me on the way to do the trick and boom I did full justice to my master’s expectations.It was the perfect welcome anyone could get into the cricketing arena.

Lalit : How do you compare that day with today?
Ball : As mentioned earlier, when though I have become old and torn but till day we both share a mutual admiration towards each other. We are still the best of friends. He plays with me every morning and makes sure I am being valued .I am sexy and I know it.

Lalit : When did you actually realize that you were in great hands?
Ball :  It was in 2005, The Boxing Day. Kallis, one of the most difficult guys to penetrate through was on the strike. Lee kissed me and told me look friend gear up! Trust me you are gonna love this ride. He ran fiercely and held me tightly from head to toe and with that trajectory I went bouncing right into his helmet bamboozling him completely. Kallis was left dumbstruck. Minutes later, I knocked his timbers out of the groove. Then I realized, if I can get into this hole, I am not but my master is awesome.

Lalit : Is there any incident, which was too funny and still cracks you up?
Ball :  Yeah sometime back Piers Morgan challenged Lee that he would belt me all round the park.I looked at Brett and said game on. Forget about hitting me, he couldn’t even feel me till I hit him right on his shoulder, head, hand and booty respectively. You can call that stint as #TearsForPiers. Still cracks me up the way he ran for his life after that over.

Lalit : Is there any achievement you would like to share in particular?
Ball :  I don’t wish to act like a humble brag. But since you have asked me, let me share it. Not one, rather two actually.Firstly,I was the first one to take a T-20 hat trick .Secondly,I have the highest blood count of 380 scalps on my seam in ODIs as an Australian.

Lalit : What is that one day you wish to delete from your life?
Ball: Damn! You reminded me again.
Lalit : I am sorry. You can skip it.
Ball : It’s fine. Even though it was unintentional but I still feel bad. I ended Alex Tudor’s career in 2002 as I hit him right on the face.

Lalit : Which batsmen do you dislike the most?
Ball : Brian Lara and VVS Laxman. Former was a slaughter and the latter a surgeon. These two gave me sleepless nights and I hate them.

Lalit : Who is your best friend apart from Lee?
Ball : Adam Gilchrist. He takes care of me and I feel safe in his gloves. It’s a delight to watch Lee celebrate from that view as well.

Lalit: How has your journey been so far?
Ball :  Adventurous. I was always on the run. Lee never slowed down, however the conditions were. I was criticized in the early 2000s for not being a quality test material and as in and out of the side due to poor form and a couple of injuries. That was a sad time sitting back at home. Then I recovered back and answered the critics. In the 2005 I hit the 99.99 miles/hour barrier in NZ. That was insane and moreover when you have an outrageous fan following through thick and thin you feel loved and pampered (by the female ones). Overall a great stint with international career.

Lalit : Lastly tell us about the farewell day at Big Bash.
Ball : I was a no less than a romantic thriller. Initially I was seeing the proceedings with a heavy heart, was recollecting all the good memories that I had cherished on the field but then in the last over I became a thriller as I picked up 3 wickets nearly giving the title to the Sydney Sixers.

Well, it was great talking to you and before I could thank him for the wonderful insights I woke up from my slumber and was transported back to Namma Bengaluru from New South Wales where Lee lives. Hail Binga and his Bombshell !

PS: I won’t procrastinate, going to Amritsar finally and yeah Good morning.

Cricket-Gear: That’s how they roll

The world cup fever has certainly taken a toll on my life these days. I literally see our Indian cricket team everywhere, be it on my desktop, the cover picture on Facebook, the graffiti on my work space wall or even on the roads.You won’t believe me, every time I see a Volkswagen Polo passing by; I shout out loud “Hey Bhuvi ! Practice pe dhyaan de, yahaan kya kar raha hai (Practice dude! Don’t fool around)?”

“The car we drive says a lot about us” – Alexandra Paul

Here’s my analogy of the Indian players and their equivalent Indian car models I see on the roads :

Shikhar Dhawan – Tata Safari
It’s sturdy, brutal and powerful. When it’s on a song, the journey looks beautiful.
Exactly the way India never looses when Dhawan plays big and hits a century.
The rowdy Dhawan

Rohit Sharma – Chevrolet Cruze
It’s over hyped. The only reason it sells is because of Chevrolet’s three years’ service warranty policy.The same holds true for Mr. Sharma. The hero scores a double ton and cements his berth for the next three years. Highly inconsistent with a below par mileage but still people buy it based on Chevrolet’s reputation, calling it a talented car.The talented Rohit

Bhuvneshwar Kumar – Volkswagen Polo
Polo is simple, effective, and economical. At the same time it’s a highly engineered product just like Bhuvi’s swinging deliveries.The Engineered Bowler

Ravichandran Ashwin: Reva (Mahindra) e2O.
The only certified electric car in India, exactly on the lines of Ashwin being the only quality off break bowler present in India. Highly environment friendly on Indian tracks.The unique spinner

Ajinkya Rahane: Mahindra Thar
Consistent and highly reliable on all the possible terrains be it a desert, hill or a city ride.
The most complete and versatile Indian car at the moment just like Ajinkya’s technique.
The complete man

Sir Ravindra Jadeja: Nissan Sunny
Jack of all trades master of none. Doesn’t stand a chance in terms of quality against the big names.Everything is average be it engine or interiors exactly resembling Jaddu’s batting and bowling.The looks is the deception point just like Sirjee’s exceptional fielding skills.
The Sirjee factor
Mahendra Singh Dhoni: Maruti Swift
It is the common man’s hero and effortlessly reaches the masses. Very low on maintenance and highly dependable. It gives you a non-bumpy, confident ride even on the roads less traveled.
Match winner -Dhoni

Umesh Yadav: Honda CRV
It has got speed and power but highly expensive. Very difficult to maintain and overshoots your economic budget, the way Yadav leaks a boundary on the legs in every over.
The expensive one

Suresh Raina: Toyota Innova
Always takes the team along. It has got a great pickup ability exactly what Raina does
to the scoring rate once he arrives. It is selfless as has even taken the tag of a taxi in the
process of taking the team along. It’s a highly reliable car especially in the mid of chasing long milestones.
The team man

Mohammed Shami: Hyundai i20- Elite
New in the market and has shown record breaking results. It is the car of the year just like
Shami has been the pick of the lot amongst the leading wicket takers this year. I20 Elite has got all the features old and some new, like Shami possesses with the old ball and the new. The best part is, no one actually minds it being expensive.
Leading bowler of the year

Virat Kohli: Jaguar XF
Class Apart.
Class apart
PS: Now, don’t go out and start calling a hummer as ABD. DON’T!
(Fueled by Dhruv Chikara)